I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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