so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
