WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize