It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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