I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
