I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
