Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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