So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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