I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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