There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My penis needs a shock collar
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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