I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
