I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I fill condoms, not promises.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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