he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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