I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
im on a boat
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