Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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