trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
