The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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