Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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