shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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