Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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