Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
