remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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