TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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