she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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