I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize