hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
