Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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