Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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