So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
