I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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