I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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