love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
