It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
