All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
