I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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