they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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