I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize