TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
