Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
