yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
