we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
