ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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