what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
