Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
