My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
