So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
