she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
