Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
