Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
