I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
