turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
