Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
