So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I need water and some morals
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
