I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
When are your genitals available?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
