Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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