Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
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