The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
