My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
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