I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
