dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
