PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
