im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize