brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
