we made out on top of his cat.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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