I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
