Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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