I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
