I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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