Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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