Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
