The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
