Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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