Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
there is glitter all over my balls
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
