i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
