why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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