belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
