he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
