thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize