My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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