Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
