who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
