they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
