I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
