He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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