Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
