just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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