Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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