worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
