I smell stomach acid.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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