tonight lets celebrate not being married
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
