know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It was confusing and full of hummus
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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