i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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