I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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